illusions

A life spent on freeways never realizing, or never acknowledging, how much he spent until his end was as inevitable as the day and the night. He tried to outrun life but only succeeded in aluding it for awhile, and when he realized that he had spent his life trying not to live for fear of dying he saw that he had lived and life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.

I've spent my life dreaming of what the future will hold, but I've realized that when you are dreaming of the future it seems that it never comes, it is life's way of telling you to live in the present. The past and the future is what makes up the now, people are ever influenced by the things that have come before, and ever in anticipation of the things that have not yet come to pass. Neitzsche said that human beings are ruled by our future, my father says that we are all governed by past experiences and that we are incapable of experiencing the present. I don't think there is anything inbetween, when you finally strip away the past and the future from the present what is left but pure and frightening emotions. Human beings are incapable of living completely in the the present because then we would be living without memory, without knowledge. Experiencing the present is something that can bring a person wisdom and at the same time steal it away. It would be like forgetting who you are and everything you've ever learned. But if that happened all of the boundaries human beings have created for themselves, all of the rules, the chains we've shackled ourselves with would melt away and we would be left capable of doing anything we could possibly imagine. The risk of living that way is very great, too great to imagine, if you let the boundaries fall between you and the rest of the universe you would inevitably be consumed, redistributed, you would become energy, ever changing. There must be another way to cross those boundaries, it probably involes a great understanding of the nature of the universe, rather than becoming a part of it. I think that is what happens when you die, when you finally break the cycle of birth and death and rebirth. At least, that's what I believe. We become gods, enlightened beings that have sacrificed their individuality to be part of everything. That is what I hope will happen to me some day, perhaps we are reborn to learn certain lessons, perhaps it is because of karma, but it could also be because we don't want to give ourselves up yet, we aren't ready to lose these strange personality traits and the uniqueness, the comfort of being alone.