green monster

I guess I'm jealous of Rene'e, I mean, her parents give her anything she wants. I don't know why that matters though, she isn't any better a person nor any happier for it, I guess I'm just jealous of the fact that her parents seem to genuinely care about her, or at least she feels like they do. I wish I could convince myself that my parents gave a fuck about me but I'm not that naive, not that I don't think her parents care about her, perhaps I'm just biased. Also, she always seems to be in love, I've never been in love and frankly I'm beginning to wonder if I'm capable of it. I suppose it could be because I'm not really looking for love, at least not actively, I'm sort of waiting for it to happen. I don't really think there is anyone on this island that I could actually be in love with, the people I can actually relate to are either "too old" or they're women.

So apparently Rene'e isn't talking to me anymore, now that it's finally come to it, I can't help but feel relieved. I know she's backsliding, she isn't exactly unpredictable, but I don't want to give up on her. I'm not going to become what she thinks I am, the friend who doesn't care if she's hurt or not, I will always care.