a letter to my best friend that she will never read.
You are skin deep, and full of hate for things you've never seen and could never understand. You have no beliefs and no belief in me, but I'm not afraid of that, just for you. And the fear is what keeps you away, awake and so dedicated to the pain, it's all you know, the only thing that keeps you real and here in this world of bleeding perceptions, where you are still while the world around you spins and melts away. People visit your reality and all you see is them leaving you eventually because no one can stand to stand so still with you for long.
You are obsessed with the surface of things, and I don't wonder, because the surface is all you ever see, you lack the patience to examine the soul of anything. I don't think you believe in souls, you don't believe in your own. You believe in random things, and you must be a hypocrite because random implies change and you are a stagnant pool where depression and anger breed like mosquitoes.
You think you're someone else, someone other than who I see, but is that a mirror you're looking into or just a fantasy. Depression has become your individuality, how original I must say (even though sarcasm doesn't translate well onto paper), you need to realize that you are not unique in this, you need to find something else to be.
I'm not sure I'll live to see you happy, you may think you are but what will happen when he leaves, just like everyone else has, and all you'll have left is me once again. You live in your mind, in denial of the light everyone else can see, and you don't understand that you lie in the bed you made all those years ago, when being alone was easier than the truth and trying to find out who you are.
We are all looking for ourselves and I'm sorry but no one has the time to look for you except me, but what a waste of time that has been. I've found you, you weren't as far away as you'd like to think, and I was disappointed to see that you haven't grown, you're still the child I knew when we were in grade school, but I can't show you this, you're just too proud to look.
Only when you see yourself for who really you are will you be ready to grow. Nothing in life is permanent, you must understand, and I regret to inform you that you will always be alone to some degree, that is just the way life is. Depression is your way of staying the same, but after all these years even you are longing for a change, a new identity.
You are obsessed with the surface of things, and I don't wonder, because the surface is all you ever see, you lack the patience to examine the soul of anything. I don't think you believe in souls, you don't believe in your own. You believe in random things, and you must be a hypocrite because random implies change and you are a stagnant pool where depression and anger breed like mosquitoes.
You think you're someone else, someone other than who I see, but is that a mirror you're looking into or just a fantasy. Depression has become your individuality, how original I must say (even though sarcasm doesn't translate well onto paper), you need to realize that you are not unique in this, you need to find something else to be.
I'm not sure I'll live to see you happy, you may think you are but what will happen when he leaves, just like everyone else has, and all you'll have left is me once again. You live in your mind, in denial of the light everyone else can see, and you don't understand that you lie in the bed you made all those years ago, when being alone was easier than the truth and trying to find out who you are.
We are all looking for ourselves and I'm sorry but no one has the time to look for you except me, but what a waste of time that has been. I've found you, you weren't as far away as you'd like to think, and I was disappointed to see that you haven't grown, you're still the child I knew when we were in grade school, but I can't show you this, you're just too proud to look.
Only when you see yourself for who really you are will you be ready to grow. Nothing in life is permanent, you must understand, and I regret to inform you that you will always be alone to some degree, that is just the way life is. Depression is your way of staying the same, but after all these years even you are longing for a change, a new identity.
posted by *meth_angel* at 9:30:00 PM
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