a coping mechanism
When I was in the psych ward I was told that sarcasm was my coping mechanism, and I was pissing everybody off with it. The doctors encouraged me to find a new coping mechanism and I did, I'm just not sure what it is yet. I really wish I could go back there, just to be able to see those people again, to be able to interact with them and observe them, they were truly amazing human beings and I believe that if I had only been able to stay longer I might have been able to help them. I suppose that's not true though, I have changed so much since I was there, I would never have been able to help them the way I was then. I regret leaving more than I regret anything else I have done in my life, perhaps I would not have had to go through as much pain if I had stayed a little longer, but I cannot change that now, and I don't think I would want to anyway. I guess I was there for a reason, a reason I am only now starting to understand, I am not as selfish since I've been there, I realized that I wasn't alone in the way I was feeling, I also realized just how good laughter can be for the soul, perhaps that is now my coping mechanism. I used to want to escape from reality, deny it, and now I just laugh at it.
Most people who deny reality are the ones who want to escape it most, and yet they are bound to it, they are afraid to let go of it.
Rene'e says she has no beliefs, what a lonely way to exist, perhaps that is why she is so afraid to let go of her depression, if everything is only what she percieves, what will there be if she lets go of this reality she so desperately clings to. If there is no reality how is it that people can share experiences, either that is not true or human beings are so connected that they are able to see the things other humans percieve. Or do they really? Everyone sees things differently, whether it be from a different angle, a different perspective, one cannot be sure of exactly what another person sees, I suppose the same is true of experiences. Renee is experiencing depression not much differently than I was, but she is dealing with it in a completely different way, perhaps because I didn't believe I was depressed I was able to change my reality. She believes she is depressed, moreover, she believes it is just a chemical imbalance and that pills are the only way to cure it, at least this is what she tells herself. If she really believed that I don't think she would be going to therapy or admitting that it makes her feel better to talk about it. She does beleive, just in the wrong things.
It's fascinating to see how the things I have said to her have affected her subconsiously, I don't know if she will still deny the fact that talking about her depression will help her, but she does talk about it, and it does help her. And I beleive her whole quest to help Mikey is because I told her that helping others would help herself, she just doesn't realize how selfish it all is. She grasps the concept but she doesn't quite believe it, just like her whole concept of reality and depression. One of her major problems is her lack of belief, in herself mostly, and her lack of love for herself. I wrote in a poem that I am hurt by her misguided affection, true I meant that she does not appreciate me but more so that she does not love herself, I don't know why that is, as selfish as she is you would think it wouldn't be hard. That, I believe, is where her love for others is flawed. The wisest thing my mother ever said to me was that you must first love yourself before you can truly love others, this is a major problem with my mother and with Rene'e, just as it is a major problem with many others.
The thing with depressed people is that they isolate themselves because they want to feel special and to admit the fact that depression is common in society today and that what they are going through is being experienced to some degree by every other human being on the planet would be like losing their individuality, because depression has become their essence, it has become the thing that made them unique, when in reality it has done the exact opposite. This is why Rene'e is such a hyppocrite when she talks about reality, that is why she is afraid to let go.I don't know if the concept of reality is true or if it's all really just human perception, but I do know that we are all in some way connected even if only by the fact that we all experience the same emotions, life in itself is generally the same for everyone, the only difference is how we cope.
Most people who deny reality are the ones who want to escape it most, and yet they are bound to it, they are afraid to let go of it.
Rene'e says she has no beliefs, what a lonely way to exist, perhaps that is why she is so afraid to let go of her depression, if everything is only what she percieves, what will there be if she lets go of this reality she so desperately clings to. If there is no reality how is it that people can share experiences, either that is not true or human beings are so connected that they are able to see the things other humans percieve. Or do they really? Everyone sees things differently, whether it be from a different angle, a different perspective, one cannot be sure of exactly what another person sees, I suppose the same is true of experiences. Renee is experiencing depression not much differently than I was, but she is dealing with it in a completely different way, perhaps because I didn't believe I was depressed I was able to change my reality. She believes she is depressed, moreover, she believes it is just a chemical imbalance and that pills are the only way to cure it, at least this is what she tells herself. If she really believed that I don't think she would be going to therapy or admitting that it makes her feel better to talk about it. She does beleive, just in the wrong things.
It's fascinating to see how the things I have said to her have affected her subconsiously, I don't know if she will still deny the fact that talking about her depression will help her, but she does talk about it, and it does help her. And I beleive her whole quest to help Mikey is because I told her that helping others would help herself, she just doesn't realize how selfish it all is. She grasps the concept but she doesn't quite believe it, just like her whole concept of reality and depression. One of her major problems is her lack of belief, in herself mostly, and her lack of love for herself. I wrote in a poem that I am hurt by her misguided affection, true I meant that she does not appreciate me but more so that she does not love herself, I don't know why that is, as selfish as she is you would think it wouldn't be hard. That, I believe, is where her love for others is flawed. The wisest thing my mother ever said to me was that you must first love yourself before you can truly love others, this is a major problem with my mother and with Rene'e, just as it is a major problem with many others.
The thing with depressed people is that they isolate themselves because they want to feel special and to admit the fact that depression is common in society today and that what they are going through is being experienced to some degree by every other human being on the planet would be like losing their individuality, because depression has become their essence, it has become the thing that made them unique, when in reality it has done the exact opposite. This is why Rene'e is such a hyppocrite when she talks about reality, that is why she is afraid to let go.I don't know if the concept of reality is true or if it's all really just human perception, but I do know that we are all in some way connected even if only by the fact that we all experience the same emotions, life in itself is generally the same for everyone, the only difference is how we cope.
posted by *meth_angel* at 3:31:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home