nothing is sacred. nothing is precious. nothing is real.

My entire life I've been lying to myself about how strong I am, at least I wish I was,it'll get to me eventually, and I'll break down, and cry for help like I've done so many times before. But I'll cry where no one can hear me and no one will see my tears, and no one will ask when I come out with my eyes all red and puffy. I think I scare them, no one knows whats wrong so they are afraid to help, they are afraid even to ask. I miss Glen, he wasn't afraid, he saw right through me. I miss that, just being me, saying what I think and feel. I cannot express myself anymore, except through my blog, how liberating it feels. I don't know if anyone is reading this, someday someone will, even if it's just my children or my husband and my closest friend. This is as honest as I can be, there are some things I have not said, but some things are better left unsaid. I want nothing more than people to know the truth about me, my faults, my virtues, my petty fears, and my righteous dreams.

I asked my friend what she looked for in a man, of course sense of humor and a good personality, but above all I want a man who see's right through me, all my bullshit and games. A man who knows when I'm acting and knows when to stop me from doing that. Someone who is honest with me and not afraid to tell me when I'm being stupid or cruel. A man who won't let me take advantage of him, one who won't hurt me. Someone who knows me, the real me, and loves me in spite of it.