06.10.05

I am struggling to differentiate between what is worth saying and what just comes to mind. Do I want a reputation for being wise or entertaining and quick witted. I have found that it is difficult to be known as both, people tend to take offense at my honesty and not take what I say seriously. When you are know for being glib people take your words with a grain of salt, as it were. Also I've noticed that people think I'm incapable of that level of thought or understanding. I try to tell myself it's better to be underestimated but I do get tired of people etting the wrong impression of me. I have alot of secrets, secret desires, but I truly want people to know me, how can I expect to grow when even my own opinion of myself is wrapped up in what other people think of me. I truly wish it didn't matter to me. I don't know how anyone could love me if no one really knows who I am, and that's all I want, to be loved. Sure people like me, to be completely honest, and not to sound concieted, people are drawn to me, and I like that, but I'm still afraid to show them who I am.