to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, in the worst way

My entire life is just one cosmic mistake, I was born in the wrong time to the wrong people. All I can do is make the best of what I have. Oh, would that I were born seventy years ago, my life would be everything I wish it were now. I would be at death's door, and I would be ready to go. I already feel as if my soul has walked this earth before, in another body. I feel so old and tired, I'm barely seventeen. I have never felt young. I am frustrated that the years go by so slowly and yet, a part of me mourns the loss of my youth. I feel a strange tension in between my shoulder blades, from years of bowing my head. More likely from years of sleeping on the ground. I wish now that I had never been born into this life, I do not know if I will feel that way tomorrow and already I cannot remember if I felt the same way yesterday, but today I feel like dying. My memories have always seemed reluctant to stay with me, perhaps this is a defense mechanism of my mind, to shield me from things I would rather not know. I feel as if I should know whatever my mind is keeping from me, I feel as if I am ready to face whatever truth lies hidden deep within me, emerging only as incoherent dreams. But I do not know how to begin.