crazy internet person

It's strange when you find your self stalking real life friends on myspace, looking at their pictures to feel like a part of their life. I have friends I haven't seen in awhile and myspace is almost the only way I know they're still alive.

I've kind of run out of motivation to learn other peoples songs, I think i need to start writing my own lyrics. I used to write so much more freely before. Maybe because I had my own computer, I always had a little notebook, I always had time to write. with kilian and now, without my own space or computer it's hard to let myself go. I don't think I ever knew how sacred I held my writing, I mean, I post most of it on the internet but I don't want anyone to see me writing it. I haven't posted much lately, I've got a lot of hand written poor me notes and some interesting pages I wonder if I'll ever see again. I really miss my laptop. It's been hard to get on the internet for awhile. and then I go crazy when I'm on it. I don't like to blog because alot of people walk in here and read over your shoulder with family. It drives me nuts. I need to go on some nature walks or something, get some perspective.

I find myself getting sucked into all of the constant drama going on all around me, I am attracted to it, I think, because it lets me escape my own dramas. I need to get up in four hours and go to hilo for what? give someone $20, try to get $50 owed to me, pick up applications, check on my return. The fucked up thing is I was really looking forward to seeing my son and I just...can't, I guess. it seems like there is nothing I can do but try to reschedule and look to next weekend, or something. I need to amend my federal return. I need to find a house. I need to get a life. Hey, this'll be fun.