a mixed rant

I got the strangest sensation of deja vu earlier, I was talking to renee and the conversation seemed a little too familiar. The thing is, it was a conversation that I had thought of before, one that I had been planning to say if the oppurtunity ever presented itself. So now I can't help but wonder, is it deja vu, or have I just repeated these conversations in my head so many times that everything is like a play that I've laid out in my mind. I've always been able to bring a conversation to a point or an amusing little anecdote I've been itching to say, I'm a good enough actor to make it seem spontaneous and I can change any little words that seem wrong in the moment and true, they don't always end up like I'd hoped but the overall effect is still the same. Is my life some product of my own imaginations or am I just lucky? Am I truly manipulating the circumstances or is it all ruled by chance?

Part of the Problem
Cd players are fast becoming a thing of the past, almost everyone has an ipod nowadays. I can't afford one so, naturally, I'm religiously opposed to them. My cd player plays mp3 cds but I honestly have no earthly idea how many cds it would take to burn my entire music collection, and who can afford AA batteries anyway? I had to scrap the ones from my remote just to get my cd player to tell me my batteries were low. Everything seems to be getting smaller, cassette players were too bulky and you wouldn't be caught dead today carrying around a diskman or a regular ipod, now that they have a mini version. Even batteries are getting smaller. What is with mankind's need to make things more convenient? Nothing is ever truly convenient, convenience store prices are anything but and it seems that the smaller things get the larger the price tag, I remember how long I had to save up to get my cd player and now it's all but obsolete. Is change our salvation or our curse? Our economy is racing to keep up with our technology and never quite making it. I wonder what will become obsolete next, VCR's have become an endangered species, Laptops have all of the capabilities of a home PC, floppy disks, VHS, Cassette tapes, all of these things no longer have any place in a world of jump drives and dvds. And the people are all struggling to keep abreast with the latest developments in and already overflowing catalog of new and improved gadgets. We discard words and ideas as quickly as we do our latest toys. Lifestyles are thrown away, values reprogrammed with every new generation, society's norms readjusted to fit popular culture, I wonder, when will life altogether become obsolete? Already we've given up human relationships for those we've formed with beloved television characters, and why go out when anyone can meet their soulmate over the internet? Surely becoming an actor will secure me a place in the hearts of the masses, and may even make me into a contributing member of society, but is being a contributing member of society really more important that being a contributing member of humanity?

politics

I don't really get into politics, politicians are supposed to represent the people's wants, needs, and intentions, but all of that gets mixed up in money and reputations, it turns into a popularity contest, they lose sight of what they were fighting for.

the view 

reflections 

if I can't see you, you can't see me 

a pink panther 

a tiger 

a piece from my personal collection 

a light in the trees 

random thoughts

I have a myspace address, an address of my very own, woooohooooo!!!!!!!!!!! www.myspace.com/sqwerty , I need friends, desparately.

I've decided to buy a Jack Rabbit.

My leg really hurts in this position.

I just can't take a good picture of myself. It's impossible. I think it might be me.

My refrigerator is making a really strange noise righ now and I don't know what to do.

I should have went to werk today.

a lament for 4229

I don't know what happened to it but now my favorite blog seems to be written by a completely different person, I dindn't even know the guys name, I only knew his life was so much more interesting than mine, and now he's gone. So here is my poetic lament for my fallen idol.

oh fourty-two
twenty-nine
where have you gone
you made my life seem
so boring
but without you
it is much worse

I hate myspace

I'm almost finished uploading my photos onto my myspace page, oh wait, is my hypocrisy showing.

anyway, that last post I wrote the other day and much has changed since then. For one, I got my camera, and I'm expecting my new mamory card any day now. I was really suprised at how small the thing was, it fits in the palm of my hand. I'm checking out a hi8 camera for 200 on overstock.com, that's next months buy, I really need to start saving more money or they really are gonna have to slingshot me to california. I guess I'm relying on my luck which, given my past experience, probably isn't wise. But I never said I was wise, that's what other people say, I just say I'm lucky.My lover is sick and I didn't have a cigarette until 7:00 then I had three and that's all I'll be having until the 16th. To be realistic though, I'm probably looking at tommorrow afternoon tops. I can live without them, I just don't want to.
I was looking around on the internet for and external drive that I can hook a vcr up to to edit films, I finally found one, the ADVC 300, it's a thing of beauty but the lowest price I can find for it is upwards of $400. And I am nothing if not impatient. So do I wait or blow my next three paychecks on this thing that, to be honest, I probably won't get much use out of right now. I think I'll make myself wait, at least until after I move.

it ain't me babe

09.12.05
I haven't written anything in so long, I wonder if that means I'm happy, maybe just busy. I must be content, I haven't changed, I realize I don't change that often. At least not on the outside. Smoking has really messed me up, or not. I bought a camcorder, eight days ago, it still hasn't shipped yet so I'm going insane checking my email every day only to be met with disappointment. Of course six days later I bought a memory card for it so even if my camera does ship anytime in the next decade I won't have to worry about going untortured. That's how I get by, I guess the pain is how I know I'm alive, yeah, bullshit. Work is the same as always, boring as all hell, but good time to go online and practice guitar. And download. I got the new Our Lady Peace Album before it was even released. Perfect condition.
I think I've made myself to readily available, I guess I really am an attention whore, so no more sex for awhile. I'm gonna need more cigarettes. Of course now I'm completely broke, so no smoking until the 16th and since the guy I have sex with and the guy I bum cigarettes off are one and the same, it's gonna be cold turkey for me. Or not, hmmmm.

one of the only pictures you'll ever see of me

sometimes I wonder if the person I see in the mirror is really me, is it my illusions or is reality the problem. Would I recognize myself by sight? Do I define myself by my phisical apperance or are my thoughts and emotions what define my physical appearance. So many questions left unanswered, I'm tired and I want a cigarette.

not to brag or anything but...

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	11
your best quality is	youre fun to hang around
your worst quality is	you get in trouble sometimes
this is because	you were always this way
Quiz created with MemeGen!